The smile is real.
But a smile is a battle.
When I smile there’s a wrestling behind those eyes.
It’s a battle for the heart to take courage and believe the promises that my mind knows are true.
It’s a “clinging to truth”.
A pressing into my heavenly daddy’s heart which I trust despite my ever disagreement with His choice of current path.I can trust His heart but not be ok with the current hand.
He holds me and recklessly pursues my heart.
I know my questions..my frustrations….my doubts are welcome. Ever the God wrestler am I.
Yet Prisoner of Hope.
I know this side of glory is yet a vapor because I witnessed His throne room.
I saw the light that welcomed my butterfly while she flew to an eternal joy. A peace in the surrender. A supernatural comfort in the slaying.
He’s real. So so so real.
He holds her. He holds me.
My Gianna Lilyfaith rejoices in her heavenly home. I saw a glimpse of that glory. Just enough to fight for redemption and HOPE on this side.
I know He’s not done.
This chapter is filled with questions, faith-fighting, seeking for starlight in the darkness. His light is more powerful than darkness. I know sorrow is the holy ground where Jesus intimately presses in.
Being near His heart is where I camp out.
His heart is a beacon for my brokenness. He chases me.
He calls my name and kisses my forehead and tells me to “take courage….there will be goodness and glory and beauty to arise”
….I press in and believe for His glory.
Wrestlers are welcome at HIS feet.
His love is relentlessly reminding me.
He whispers truth and proclaims victory over the “seen dark places”.
He gives glimpses of greater things. He never stops holding. In the aching expectation of Hope, Jesus stays near.
Hope rescues my weary despairing heart over and over again.
The expectation of miracles is the actual “chasing of sunrise”.
Hope is what saves.
Trusting the victory is His keeps me going forward.
Hope breaks the dark sky and cracks the black night and pours light through the broken places. I will never stop expecting beauty from ashes.
Ashes are never the end.
Imagining the glory that awaits those who trust in Him is where the smile is kept alive.