His Goodness Pursues Us (Miracles of life part 4)

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  Honestly, we struggled with when we would be finally sharing this sacred story. A story that is continually unfolding before our eyes.

A story of Sorrow and pain intersecting with Hope and Love and Light.

We have held it closely within the secret places of  our hearts for many many months. And, as a family, we have carried this treasure between us and carefully guarded it and all it’s precious layers of aching beauty.

A holy story born from the depths of sacred pain.

It is far too special to simply just throw it out there in a brief facebook announcement. Hence, the extra long series of blog posts. (sorry not sorry!) 😉

Selfishly, we have not wanted to share the story publicly because the secrets that God has shown us in the darkest moments of our lives are just too precious to even put into a language that others would truly understand.

He has led our hearts with a holy series of tiny lights… like star lights in the wilderness, giving us just enough light for each next step…just enough light to keep our hearts ripped wide open to trust a story that is so much higher  than we could have ever imagined. A story we never would have written ourselves…. A story we trust…..yet, A story we will not fully understand till we are on the shores of Eternity made NEW.

But, we trust…even when we do not understand.  We trust when there are parts of the story we would not have chosen.

As I type these words, and obey the stirring to finally share, I surrender to  the fact that it is nearly impossible for me to translate such intimacy of a Mighty God who draws so near to the broken hearted….

I fear that this journey, this sacred story, is seen or quickly summarized as anything less   then it truly is to our hearts.

It is nearly impossible to offer a language that would allow others to fully understand  the personal and anointed ways that God has revealed Himself to our family in the darkest seasons of our souls.

 This story is Light in the darkness…..

It is NOT a fix for the pain…

Not a filling of a void…

Not a tightly tied pretty red bow that will suddenly make everything that is so wrong  now feel so right…

Not a replacement  

Not a better plan…

Not a Moving on…

Absolutely Not a higher reason for the loss of our precious Gianna.

This is Not anything except GRACE….. The Grace of a mighty God in the grit of our grief. 

This story is  the Holy Ground  of the mystery and the majesty of a God that no one can understand or easily summarize into a simple human platitude or human cliché!   

This is A sacred place where the overwhelming pain has torn the edges of our broken hearts wide open and birthed something new that could only have been created by our Holy Father.

a new beauty, a new goodness.

Life from Life.

And as we wrestled with this burden to share ….God kept showing us That this is HIS story not ours….He is the author, not us.

This is His story. We take no credit.

It is His story of miracles in our lives.

His story of of a blazing LIGHT in our darkest Night….

His story of   a Tova that chases US down.

His story of beauty growing around immense loss.

His story of Beauty from Beauty.

Light from Light.

Life from Life.

His story of the miracles that Gianna’s life will forever continue to bloom and grow in and through our lives while we achingly wait to embrace her again  …. (see part 1)

This His sacred story that we are being called to steward well…. and as we share the honest beautiful and raw journey, I have had to let go of the burden to make others see it the way we do….

That is His work.

I am called to just write it down, to record His ways…. and leave the rest up to Him.

It is HIS job to open other’s eyes to HIS glory if He so chooses.  It is His job to translate my limited language in a supernatural way that others will see HIS mighty hand.  Our job is to simply testify to the truth of the blazing LIGHT in the Darkness that He has shown us

To show the hand of a God that never stops pursuing us with loving Kindness…even in the valley of the shadow of death.

 

His story of deep sorrows and deeper joy wrapped and woven so tightly together that they are now one in the same. It is hard to wrap even our minds around the  journey of deep grief growing itself into a journey of more Gia miracles….

It is like trying to understand how a forest floor of wildflowers can abundantly grow  and burst forth in bloom exactly where a blazing and all consuming fire had just literally obliterated an entire forest down to the bare dark dead foundation.

NEW LIFE…..

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So I will do my best to share the parts we are led to share and leave the rest up to our Big God, the author of the story ….

Many Many months ago, God made it supernaturally clear to our whole family that we were to begin a homestudy.  He just said He wanted us to be ready for a gift that we could never even imagine.

To be ready for an invitation…

It did not make sense, but it was clearly spoken to us.

It was like walking in the dark and only following a small starlight and believing for more light ahead. We had no idea what He was doing.  We just obeyed. We surrendered and believed for  a higher plan we could not ever understand.

 

We knew He was inviting us to turn around from the setting sun and face the darkest night head on….To walk forward and take up the manna for each day.

And just keep giving him our broken hearts and all the shattered pieces.

He lead us with bread crumbs…and tiny whispers of a greater light ahead. A light that will rise from the darkest nights. For goodness in the land of the living.

However, in turning to face a sunrise, you have to also  face the night. You can not see a sunrise without experiencing the blackest darkness first…. we had to face and wrestle through the night to get to the light.

walking forward through the darkness, carrying our Gia always with us, and keeping our hearts open…

Believing for Light.

 

It is only in this hard surrender can we position ourselves to where the sun would eventually rise again.

He is God ..we are not.

The thing we are most sure of, after painfully having to walk our baby girl to heaven, is that life is a vapor and only that which we can take to heaven is what is important and worthy of being treasured.

Eternal over temporary!

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We also know that the deepest earthly loss and most painful heartbreak of our lives only blew our hearts open EVER wider for the orphan and weak and vulnerable.

It was nothing we could have done ourselves with our broken and shattered hearts.  It just was All God’s straight-up grace and light  pouring over us … through us…breaking through those deep cracks of the shattered pieces.

A burning flame that kept growing.

Light and love Breaking through the darkness.

He was miraculously keeping our hearts blazed wide open even as we bled out from losing our precious Gia.

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However, it was in the painful bleeding that God was feeding and growing a new miracle of life.

Only God.

…Shining glimpses of the promises of goodness that  we could not ever even  imagine In the land of the living…But still we had a promise from Psalm 27.

 

 

In the hospital God gave our family the most intimate of love notes in the whole of Psalm 27.

He hand delivered this Psalm directly to our hearts while we were enduring the deepest slaying of our lives.

He has brought it back to us many times as we have limped along and He has cradled us with HIS promises through these anointed words….

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The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid? 

When the wicked advance against me

to devour[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
  Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.

  One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
  For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.

  Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.

  Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
  My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
  Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
  Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
  Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
  Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.

  I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
  Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.


 

 We have held our love letter tightly. as we have hobbled  forward, always bringing our Gia with us…. 

 

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We stopped trying to understand and just surrendered at the altar over and over.

The days of understanding were a thing of the past.  We knew the idea of comprehending the mysterious ways of God and His stories were no more.

We wrestle(d) to trust Him

That wrestling has brought new Life. and new intimacy with our daddy in heaven

and…as we wrestled, our hearts stayed  nestled close to His.  And, in turn, He kept our hearts ripped open….even while they broke…..keeping them open to more Light.

Light in the darkness.

So….. As time went on…after many months…We were praying about specific children that God would supernaturally put in our path…children who would desperately break our hearts over and over again and there were a couple specific children  who we were pursuing to get their paper work done in China so they could be adopted….

However, so much has changed in China adoptions and there are so many more barriers and lack of files being prepared.

 

So We waited.

We knew God knew who our child was. We walked through the darkness, following the little star lights to show the way.

And with each child we would inquire about and pray over, we see how these little lights of these precious faces and these sparkling embers kept our hearts softened.

It was their broken stories that kept our hearts blazed open and broken for the orphan and kept us walking forward in trust and Hope that He was working where we could not SEE.

 

He just asked us to keep waiting…. trusting…. following the lights….

But we had to keep re-surrendering our ideas of what we thought the story would look like….and that was hard…especially for me.

I had an idea in my mind, but God has a story that is always bigger than mine. When will I learn??

 It was clear We just had to let go. ….And keep following His leading, even when we did not SEE the way forward. We had to follow with different eyes, eyes that trusted in the night  and kept walking through the darkness.  

Then …. Days before New Year’s Eve (at the encouragement of our pastor) when we were weary of the blind faith walk.  We begged God for a Rhema…a “word” from him.  We knew He had called us back out to the deep… But we were discouraged from walking blindly. We needed some sight.

 

We begged for a word…a promise.  …a revelation that our hearts could cling to in the waiting season….a promise.

And in His mercy, He gave us a word from our Psalm 27…. He said he would pursue us with a “New goodness.” A new Tova (original language)! He gave us psalm 27:13…

I wrote about it here

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Surely your goodness and loving kindness will pursue me all the days of my life…

Many times, I talk about us “Chasing Joy” in our grief …And that is all well and good only IF and WHEN you can actually see the JOY in front of your eyes….Chasing Joy, means to allow yourself to rise and smile and dance and run after it when you are able to SEE the goodness in front of you. It is freedom to allow Joy to enter a broken heart. It is freedom to run after it when it is BEFORE YOU!

But,  ….what happens in the blackest and darkest seasons when you can NOT see GOODNESS in front of you….. those seasons when you are walking blindly?

the only choice is to believe TRUTH, even when you can not SEE it.

TRUTH IS  EVERYTHING

Truth is LIGHT.  Truth is LIGHT in the darkest night.

God gave us Psalm 23:6

HE spoke this truth to me:

Daughter,

 

I am hunting you down with goodness, mercy and loving-kindness…even when you can not feel or see it.

Believe my truth.

Let it light your way in the darkest night.

KINDNESS and FAVOR pursue you…I am hunting you down with loving kindness and goodness.

I am behind you….  always your rear guard.

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I realized we did not have to look so hard for goodness or chase it and this was so clearly spoken to our hearts because, up to that point, we had been chasing a file of a child for quite some time with no success and it left us weary, but God (in his mercy) had already promised HE was chasing and pursuing US with kindness…. undeserved kindness and goodness…with TOVA! A new Tova! 

I literally felt a peace and we rested in this promise, this word from HIM…And we asked him to keep our hearts and eyes open to what he would Show all of us. ….keep our eyes open to His story.

Help us to  To SEE HIS NEW goodness, to SEE HIS TOVA for us.

Up to that point we were trying to chase a story that we were trying to assume or write ourselves and….basically trying to hi-jack Gods story.  We could MISS HIS STORY if we were so consumed with how WE thought the next chapter should look.

Surrender.

Surrender is the hardest worship of all.

Lord,

Open our hands and hearts for the ” NEW goodness” that’s being born from all the pain. 

Help us to SEE TRUTH through your eyes.

Give us your wisdom.

Then In that exact moment I texted a dear precious friend and told her to pray because I had a sudden feeling of HOPE and excitement! … I believed God was going to show us more of a glimpse to His plan very very soon.

I believed that we would SEE our child that month and just a day later…..a new TOVA hunted us down.

We saw a little girl who had evidently been waiting on an agency list who’s eyes literally slammed our hearts. It was as if Her sad and sorrowful eyes could see and reach deep through our souls… Right to our very own busted up hearts.

She was waiting….waiting  for HOPE.

She felt like LIGHT breaking through.

Her eyes told a story of loss and despair….but we could feel the HOPE inside her too.

Hope on the horizon.

We could not get her HUGE sad eyes out of our minds or our hearts.

She was aching to be seen,

Lord, why is no one running to her? Why is she waiting!?

We  requested to see her file  because we couldn’t get her sad face and deep soulful eyes out of our minds.  Even though we were looking at scary unfamiliar words ….We started praying for her and researching all the scary words attached to her name.

We started praying for her… And seeking God whether she was ours or not.

We became wrecked quickly for this precious little one. Our hearts started to wrap around her heart in a supernatural way.

We even agreed to move forward on January 4 which was our  Isabella’s 19th birthday… (there was so much peace….)

…Until later that night when we both got scared!…..I could tell this was going to be a spiritual war!!!! The enemy does not like anything that has to do with LIGHT, love and HOPE and goodness and beauty and redemption….. He would much rather keep us in the dark and scared and “safe”!

Satan was attacking. And fear and doubt was paralyzing us about all the WHAT IFS

 

…but no matter what, we just could not let her go … God would not let “us” go. …And he kept pursuing us with this new goodness… A new “Tova” …..and the enemy kept taunting us at the same time because her special need was not something we ever thought we would parent before… but the Lord would not let our hearts go and he kept whispering that there is so much joy in this broken path forward…in this leap forward.

FEAR HAS NO Power!

and He kept telling us that he wants to invite us to a “new goodness”… to Just step back out in the deep… follow His light.

HERE IS WHAT WE DID KNOW: We knew, above everything else, “shore life” is not for us…. Even if all we had to bring was our empty and broken nets. 

The forever gift of our  Gianna has taught us all how to walk brave out into the deep ocean and Jesus continues to  use  her life to show us a deeper and fiercer reckless kind of love… (see part 2)

The gift of her life just keeps growing us and stretching us and teaching us.

It is her legacy,

Love is always ALWAYS worth the great high risk and sacrifice of comfort and safety.

Facing our deepest fears, our deepest tragedy and our deepest hurts unbolted us from  the need for safety and predictability.

Gianna makes us brave.

The broken path is not scary anymore.

 

Jesus taught us, through her Beautiful life, that joy is found in the broken path.

 From January 4 to January 10 there was such warfare as we battled and wrestled.

At church we felt God speak to us through the verse that our pastor shared:

“Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be made low, and the crooked shall become straight, and the rough places shall become level ways,” ( Luke 3:5)

We had to repent for lack of trust because we knew the Lord was trying to give us something so good …. and we were doubting…we were paralyzed.   It’s hard to let your heart be released…Especially when the story doesn’t look like the way you had thought it would look.  I was used to what I knew…and was ready to jump for the most broken of heart -babies.  Because we knew hearts.  ….I believed God would call us to what we already knew. However, we could not shake the stirring that God kept telling us there will be something  NEW…. a NEW kind broken.

A new kind of blind faith that would be needed!

Gianna taught us all about loving the broken….
Our hearts were open to many special needs (including heart of course).
We knew We wanted to be a family to a child who waited….  a child who needed hope and light in her darkness.
No child should have to wait for HOPE.
Every child deserves a family who will cheer them on in love and victories.

His ways are higher and God had  tied our hearts to hers in a deep way…. …When we  surrendered our fears… And allowed our hearts to say a freeing  “yes”… There was a peace…an overwhelming and freeing peace and LIGHT and release of so much joy and release of bondage of the enemy. We literally were falling INTO THE LIGHT!

This is the kind of wrecking that God does where you can’t eat or sleep and all you can do is pray as it haunts you in the most holy of ways.

And all this time, my Isabella (19)knew  she was absolutely her little sister and just prayed and fasted for the whole week Waiting for God to make it clear to us.  Pure unhindered FAITH. Already such an amazing big sister ready to fight for her baby sissy!

There was a huge confirmation in her Chinese given name that just blows us alway.

When translate, her Chinese names mean  goodness, favor, and truth. (our new Tova)!….even that was a confirmation….she’s such a gift.

GOD IS SO BIG!

God was literally chasing us down with goodness and favor and opening our eyes to HIS TRUTH!!

So after many days of wrestling and too much over-thinking… on our Gianna’s birthday we Had a miraculous breakthrough of an abundant peace and breaking of our bondage to the paralysis of fear. Brian shared with me that He believed she was OUR BABY GIRL….I rested and rejoiced in this confirmation!

Fear no longer held us, and we could suddenly see above it and through it to something bigger that God was doing ….and something beautiful God wanted for us ….Fully surrendered to God’s invitation with absolute shaky faith.

Stepping out in a NEW kind of faith….a new kind of blind faith and trust. Relying on HIM alone!

 

God made His will so very known to Brian and ALL of us with a great peace the night of our Gia’s birthday. Of course HE DID.  Their lives so connected.

So we are Trust falling back on God into pure light! It’s freeing to allow your broken heart to love BIG.

God uses the broken to bring HOPE to the broken.

And when Brian picked up the phone to tell our pastor the news the next day…As he knew we were wrestling through this, well our pastor was just getting ready to call Brian, in that exact moment, because God had given him a verse just for us.

He gave us:

Isaiah 43:19

“Look, I am about to do something NEW; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.”

It amazes us how personal God is. YES, LOOK….. SOMETHING NEW!!!

 so…. honestly…The fear still tries to taunt us.

What will life look like as we parent her and her special need?

Who is this new little one?

Will she ever walk or lift her dainty precious little arms?

We simply have to trust the ONE who leads us.

Satan is not happy about this because I know God has a bigger story of redemption that we can not even wrap our brains around. 

We deeply deeply love and adore her.

She is pure light in the darkness.

It’s a trust fall for us all!

Please pray for extra grace and peace as we walk forward with bravery, hope and Absolute love towards this little light and a new gift of goodness we could have never imagined.

We are so humbled that he chose us…Even when we don’t feel able or strong. at. All.

He doesn’t invite those who have all their crap together or those who feel qualified… He just asks for us to be available and to choose LOVE and HOPE….He calls those who will lean ON HIM and lean into HIM and trust Him with their empty nets and all the broken pieces.

God uses the broken to bring HOPE to the broken.

 

Above all else, in our journeys, We have learned that it is a far more fearful  and dreadful thing to disobey God and be out of His will and miss all the goodness of the surrender, then to obey and believe and walk forward in faith …even if you have to walk forward “scared”.

It is a far scarier thing to MISS HIS story of goodness because of the fear of the broken path.

Gianna teaches us this every day. Her life teaches us to keep choosing LIGHT and LIFE and HOPE…. even in the darkness.

Her miracles continue to unfold.

Beauty from Beauty

Life from Life

Light from Light

What’s so beautiful is that Gianna and Jesus were so excited and bursting with joy (Because I’m absolutely sure that she and Jesus have been talking about our little baby girl (her little sissy) for many many months, that they named a winter storm after Gia (her birthday night) and it  was snowing the weekend we said yes to the invitation  and officially submitted our paperwork.

It was the seventh storm of the season, on Gianna’s 7th birthday….it had her name all over it. Not to mention, it was HER NAME!!!

 

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I can’t wait to tell her baby sister one day how excited her big sissy, Gia, was when we officially said “yes.” I know our sweet Gia is so excited about her baby and I know she has known who she is for a very long time and was just waiting for us and our eyes to open and our hearts to surrender to God’s gift.

 

 

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It makes me so sad that these two sissies will never be in a photo together (without photoshopping) on this earth.

Though their lives are connected in the most sacred …holy and precious of ways … something That only our mighty God could do.

As we learned more about our newest daughter’s story, God started revealing more heavenly glimpses into all the beautiful ways that He has intertwined their two precious lives in a way that only He can.

Our newest daughter was born the same day our precious Gianna had just received her 5th lifesaving open heart surgery where she received a New Valve to give her a new Hope.

She was brought from death to Life!

 

 

gia hospital

…And days later….on The exact day that our newest daughter was left to be found (at just a few days old) it was the exact day that we were getting a first holy and incredible glimpse at our Gianna’s heart “MADE NEW” through a 3-D echo.

 

 

 

gia echo

 

We got to see her beautiful redeemed heart beating…..a miracle before us.

On one side of the world, a heart beating with a NEW HOPE — and on the other side of the world, at that same time, her little sissy’s birth parents were making probably the most excruciating and heart wrenching sacrifice of their lives to bring a New Hope to their beloved daughter…. Leaving her where she would be safely found.  Their hearts being ripped and broken and bleeding so to bring new Hope for their daughter.  

Brokenness…. Beauty…..Hope….LIFE

Little did we know that 3 years later, God would miraculously collide these two stories of brokenness and HOPE into a new Song of redemption that He is writing here in our lives.

Sisters forever.

 


 

Here we were for so many months waiting for certain files to be prepared of children needing hope.. (thinking we knew the story) but He was not showing any open doors to these specific children that we were broken and ready to jump for…yet staying broken is how He kept our hearts open…

We don’t ever want to live life with a closed heart.  We get one life to invest in eternity, We get ONE life to make a difference.  We get one chance at a vapor of a life to change all of eternity,

It was in “the breaking” that we were broken FREE to love EVEN deeper….to love and live deeper, even while walking in the darkness.

 

Then God came from behind and surprised us with this new goodness of this tiny precious girl with the most soulful, sad, penetrating  and beautiful eyes and a broken tiny body that needed HOPE.

Those eyes scorched our hearts.

eviemira eyes

 

 

 

 

it Just doesn’t seem fair that she waited and was being overlooked when her precious life is worth so so much.

. ….She’s perfect and she is ours.

God’s beautiful princess with so much hope. She just needed a family to fight for her. I now realize, it’s because the Lord tucked her away for us.  His complete grace in choosing us. Even when we do not feel qualified, HE CHOSE US for her. HE gave us the faith to say YES.

His mercy of which we are so humbled and grateful.

Gianna’s Life birthing NEW Life in our lives.

I could relate to so much of the brokenness in her sad eyes.  So much sadness. It was like looking in a mirror to my heart.

“God sees you, little one… You are not forgotten and you are so so so loved and wanted!”

 

 

 

Honestly, …Her needs are intimidating.  Many unknowns. She may never walk.  She may need a wheelchair.  But ….. she is a treasure. She is a treasure in the darkness that deserves the gift of LIGHT and HOPE.

And we will never stop HOPING and believing she will walk and dance to a new song of LIGHT.

She will amaze us all!

You see our daughter will have to learn to do many things in a NEW way that we are not used to and I have a feeling it will blow our minds with just how ABLE she will be.

She is a warrior like her big sissy, Gianna!

eviemira gia

 

 

 


 

Her tiny petite body is ever so special and so beautiful.

She has “Arthrogryposis” and she can not move her limbs or hands freely.  She has clubbed feet and turned-in  little precious dainty hands. She has joint contractures in her wrists and knees and elbows and ankles and maybe some fingers.

 

We know different medical advancements… surgeries  and Physical therapy and castings  have been so helpful in these cases. We have many close adoption friends with precious amazing children with the same special needs who have been a huge encouragement….and we met a local adoption mama who uses our local top Children’s Hospital. They put us in contact with the excellent team there and we received a lot of information as they looked at her file..and a prospective plan of HOPE to help her. This team is one of the best……

Already…God put an army around us right away to encourage us as we battled with surrendering to God’s new goodness….to trust HIS story. To accept the NEW kind of broken.    Her needs are scary….  unknown things are naturally scary things. …Because it’s true that she may never walk independently and we will all learn a NEW way of doing things with her.

But…here is the crazy thing.  She is so much like us in so many ways.

We too are so broken and learning a new way of doing life with a huge loss..with a gaping incompleteness.  We are learning to walk again…   with a severe limp.  We are learning to lean on each other in a NEW kind of way.  We are finding ABILITY in our new disability. We are finding strength in our weakness.  Beauty in our brokenness.  Light in our darkness.

She is ours and we are hers and we SEE a true fighter in her And a little sweet flower waiting to bloom…She just needs a family who will fight with her. …and for her…and be brave for her and believe for miracles for her life. To believe she could walk one day..and even if she doesn’t, to believe for her that she can reach her dreams that God places in her heart! Fear will not win.  To never give up HOPE for her. To battle for the broken.

WE ARE SO THANKFUL TO BE THAT FAMILY!

Every child deserves to have a tribe that fights for them and believes for them and cheers for them with each milestone and surrounds them with absolute hope!

No child should sit sadly in an orphanage without a family and without a light.

The gift of our Gianna and her FOREVER LIFE teaches us to Always HOPE in the deepest way possible for the most vulnerable  …. Always fight for those who can’t fight for themselves. Always battle for the most broken.

always fight for the hopeless.

Love always wins. Light wins.


 

We all are so excited to go to China and wrap our hearts around her. We are hoping to travel by late Spring as a family.

This is a huge leap for us, and we are praying and believing God will make a way. We believe we are all (as a family) supposed to go to China to bring our little treasure home and we are praying and believing God miraculously provides!  The story is too special and sacred of a journey for any of us to be left behind. However, we desperately need the help of our village to be the light with us.

God keeps telling Brian and I that there are so many blessings in this blind Faith jump. …and we just don’t want to miss it.  We don’t want to miss the beauty from the ashes… Even though we absolutely hate that there has to be ashes in this story…. we do not want to miss the beauty that only God can create out of the terrible brokenness around us.  

We know His stories never end in ashes. He is the redeemer. His ways are higher As the story was not something we would’ve ever imagined or written. Gianna taught us all about the blessings of brave risky love.

Gianna’s forever life teaches us that love is worth the brave jump. Always Worth it!  Fierce love always wins.

 This is Such grace. … We love her and feel she was handpicked for us. ….and I’m ashamed that Fear almost won. We know she was tucked away just for our family. God knows exactly what he is doing…. even when we don’t understand. He’s taught us more in the last 11 months then we ever wanted to learn …

 But these powerful lessons do change our lives forever and always will. WE ARE CHANGED FOREVER.  We will never be the same (and we don’t want to be) because of our great earthly loss and our greater eternal gain and a love that can never Ever be lost….we are forever accountable to what He’s taught us. 

And, it is our desire to live in honor of such an eternal gain. To LOVE BIGGER, DEEPER and WIDER…because of the great love that is shown to us from our daddy in heaven.

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He leaves the 99 to rescue the ONE.

We are the rescued.

 This is Gods story.   It is filled with brokenness that is so so incredibly hard…..  Deep sorrow yet deeper joy.  Sorrow will always be a part of the story…pain will always co-exist right alongside all the joy.

But we are Leaning in to the author of a story…a story we could never have imagined or wanted to write. ….

We ache so deeply for the “old goodness” …. The way things used to be with Gianna at our dinner table and in our arms and jumping up and down in excitement right before our eyes.

….but in the deepest valleys, He has shown us how to keep our hearts open to the new goodness that He has in store on Earth as we all wait for His return…for our greater HOPE!

 Oh happy day when our whole family is back together again On the shores of eternity…He sees the bigger picture and ALL will be restored….Everything done in his name will be restored FULLY...And that gives me chills and that is our hope.

If makes Me so sad that she and Gia will never get to play together on this earth when their lives are so incredibly and deeply connected.   I know that the Lord must already be connecting their spirits in some powerful amazing way…..Gianna would demand it.

We know Gianna’s miracles go on forever…. Her story is NOT done. I keep praying she is visiting her sissy in her dreams.  🦋.  I’m almost sure of it.

We miss her so very much.

This great chasm between now and eternity will always contain a Gianna hole until heaven fills it once and for all.

 

She always wanted her China baby.  She even gets to name her!

….Her sissy’s name is a whole other GOD story, worthy of its own blog post! (stay tuned for part 5 for her name reveal!!!)

 

This His story of the miracle of New Life

His story of of a blazing LIGHT in our darkest Night….

His story of   a Tova that chases US down.

His story of beauty growing around immense loss.

His story of Beauty from Beauty.

Light from Light.

Life from Life.

His story of the miracles that Gianna’s life will forever continue to bloom and grow in and through our lives while we achingly wait to embrace her again  .

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We don’t understand him but we trust HIM.  He’s  the God who lights up the dark places. ⭐️

He gives the gift of new Life…chasing us down with goodness, mercy and loving kindness.

 

TOVA!

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We are walking in faith….believing God will make a way. We are humbly asking for help and prayers to bring Hope!

For those who would like to come along side us in this journey and help us bring our newest daughter home, you can buy a shirt or donate to these links!

THANK YOU for being a LIGHT with us!

We are so grateful for our village of Love and Light!


**click here to order a shirt!

***Click here to donate to our GO FUND ME

***or here for tax deductible option


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5 thoughts on “His Goodness Pursues Us (Miracles of life part 4)

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  1. I have been following your story for a while now….I was reading about your new little one coming and I nearly dropped at the diagnosis….I have Arthrogryposis also…. I am a wife ( married 46 years) mom of 3 grown children, grandma of 6 all healthy and a retired foster mom of 80 newborns (mostly special needs like alcohol/drug affected. God has used us to bless these tiny people here in Canada….I look forward to reading more of your story….God bless you all richly! Donna B

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    1. Thank you so very much for your comment and your love. God bless you…. You’re a light and inspiration to me💛💛💛

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  2. Wow…Holy Ghost goose bumps!!🙌🏻 I love reading all of your post. There is sooo much hope, faith, and strength in them all. God is so Good all the time! This story is amazing and such a Great testimony for our gracious and wonderful God . Can’t wait to see your whole beautiful family in China with your beautiful new daughter wrapped in your loving arms. WHAT GREAT HOPE , JOY AND EXCITMENT YOU ALL HAVE RIGHT BEFORE YOU. I don’t know your family personally but my heart is connected and aching in this hope, joy , and excitment with you. No dought here that GOD WILL PROVIDE! 💞🙏🙏🙏🥰🌻Love and prayers being sent daily for your family and beautiful china Doll.

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    1. Thank you so very much for your encouragement and love and for rejoicing and aching with us. Also thank you for praying for us. That is such a gift. 💚💚🦋🦋

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  3. May God continue to bless you and shine light in the tiniest cracks, to illuminate the path to your waiting daughter. God is so good. God is so GREAT. God be with you every single step of this precious, blessed journey. ♡

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