The first anniversary: on Holding Tightly to Each Other and to HOPE in the Depths of Sorrow…

We made it through…. only by the grace and strength of God, by the lifeline of the prayers of many, we made it through the most brutal weeks of our lives.

 As a family we carried each other forward, while letting God carry all our broken hearts…. while always carrying  our baby…. limping forward together, always together.

Barely breathing, suffocating by the memories of trauma and brutality….

We found a crazy discount of a deal, and We ran away together to the ocean to weep, remember and pray and play and run and sing and loudly lament together and  open our hands and hearts to receive all the heaven love notes.

Holding tightly to each other, our ache, our sorrows… and our HOPE…

 

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This was so good for our family and we all believe it will be a tradition to go to the edge of the land, by the ocean on every April 22 to see Jesus show us GLORY beyond the veil.  To play, to weep, to yell, to remember, to run, to laugh, to groan, fly kites, watch sunsets and sunrises, throw rocks at the waves, watch dolphins, be crazy…. …. to do all the things…. all the things that grief and ache demands.

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Grief is messy, so messy and ugly and hard… so so hard. SO brutal.

You can not run away from the grief train wreck, it follows you where ever you go.  It demands to be felt.  Demands to be honored.

But, we wanted to be in a different surrounding where we could stay close together, in a small hotel room… and just hold each other and step away  to just  honor all the pain and all the HOPE together.

 

To rip through a million  boxes of tissues, feast and binge on all the  beach donuts and  cry out all the tears, to sing out… shout out…  do all the messy things TOGETHER.

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We forever carry you forward with us, baby-girl…broken, changed forever by your life, braver, bolder and desperately missing you until our Eternal Spring sun rises and never ever sets again and until we finally SEE All the beauty that your eyes can now see. 😍😭

 

So thankful that Our Jesus walked out of the grave and so did you!

 

Our Living HOPE.
We’re One day closer, baby…closer to embracing on the shores of eternity 🌅🦋🌷but not close enough.

 

 

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We love you forever and ever and ever….keep shining God’s hope and love all over the world!!

Your miracles go on forever and ever. 🦋🌅

 

We fight together….forward we fight for hope and light.

Together we remember, together we ache…together we fight for HOPE and light and TRUTH in the darkness!

and so we look for tangible ways to show our hearts TRUTH!

We released butterflies in Gianna’s garden on her Heaven celebration week. 

 

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I think this will be a tradition as well.  We did it last year too.  We actually released them on the anniversary of her burial this year because we hate thinking of that terrible day!   HATE IT.  Knowing what my family had to do that day…..it rips our hearts to shreds. 

We raised the butterflies from baby caterpillars. They arrived on the anniversary of the day our Gianna went into cardiac arrest.  God is in every  painful detail.

 

 

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They grew the weeks of the anniversary that we fought for her life in the hospital. They turned into a Cocoon right around the same time we were remembering the news the doctors gave us about there being NO hope to save our baby.

The worst day of our lives.

Those cocoons were ugly, …. appearing dead and still with no life.  Symbols of death…feeling like an END.

It is never the end with God.

But…He wins.  We know truth….  We fight for truth when all our eyes see is death around us.

This….this ground… this stone is  special beyond words because it was built and dedicated to memorialize her life, her legacy, her light that reflects our forever HOPE in Jesus to save…

 

 

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Her earthly shell is here…. the precious shell that held all her LIGHT and laughs and love and joy and beauty while she ran around on this broken earth…

BUT……But…..  

 

 

 

 

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but…….SHE IS NOT  HERE …and…oh the glory coming!

 

 

SHE IS NOT HERE…. She has risen. SHE IS MADE WHOLE…. awaiting our reunion…our future where HE MAKES ALL THINGS NEW!

She is dancing and rejoicing in her new perfect body picking all the flowers and holding all the baby animals and riding all the dolphins and unicorns!

A NEW HEART, a NEW BODY…. a NEW CREATION…but all our GIANNA!!!

 

 

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And, On the anniversary of Gianna’s heaven going (God is in the details)… the butterflies emerged and resurrected in all their beauty and newness and freedom and color and JOY!

They were the tangible reminder of TRUTH!

A NEW CREATION!!

 

 

 

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We held on to them until the anniversary of the day Gianna’s shell was buried.  We released them to remind ourselves that the shell left behind of our  baby, while so very precious to us … IS NOT OUR BABY GIRL…

SHE IS MADE NEW!!

She is not there … SHE HAS RISEN!

 

We have to remember this TRUTH in the face of our grief and pain.or we will never walk forward into the light. It is THIS HOPE alone that allows us the strength to keep fighting for LOVE, life and faith!

Jesus made a way…a way to LIVE forever and not let death win. HE CONQUERS DEATH! OH I am so thankful for TRUTH to stomp on the lies of despair.

Truth does not erase pain, we are learning to live with this choking pain…. a struggle every day, but this TRUTH gives us a pathway forward….a way to see hope.

Truth and Hope rescuing our broken hearts…

they are a balm to our busted up hearts… a way to let the light shine through the cracks.

 

 

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Hope keeps our hearts open to glimpses through the veil…

We believe the veil between heaven and earth is so very thin and that if you are LOOKING and your heart is open.. and if God decides to allow you the privilege TO  SEE, there are so many love notes sent from Jesus and Gia.

We know Gia is with Jesus now…like Jesus…. with Jesus…so  we know that there are ways Jesus lets her still send us all the  love.  We just know it. We do not expect anyone to understand this miracle. It is just a peace HE gives us.   A gift.

 

See, When part of your heart is in heaven, there is an invisible string that is NEVER cut off.

People do not understand unless God has allowed them to… it is just as simple as that.  Something supernatural happens when He allows you to see glimpses beyond that very thin veil…it is an aching honor and privilege to see with eyes of faith straight into heaven.

A gift of LIGHT in the darkness.

 

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And OH the love notes from him that GOD allows us to see!!!

they take our breath away and open our eyes to the glories that lay beyond that thin veil. We get peeks into all the glory coming to us….

We never EVER want to miss the glimpses He graces us with. The glimpses into the glory beyond that awaits us that our  Gia-Bia gets to experience first in all her pure SIGHT… while we wait on earth with eyes of faith.

When we released the butterflies, they stuck around and just danced and played with us…and (just like last year) one immediately landed on my forehead and gave me a kiss.  Heaven kisses from Gianna.

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Anniversaries are so hard…. SO HARD. Thank you to all who have fiercely prayed over our family.,.. who relentlessly carry us close to your hearts.

We will always ache forever, the waves of grief have no predictable rhythm… they have no mercy and they are a reminder that WE ARE NOT HOME.

 

 

MESSY tsunamis of GROANING for Jesus to make all things NEW NOW!!

but Jesus does not let us go.

Prayers are powerful…. we feel HIS presence!

He stays so near to the broken and busted up hearts and reminds us that HE IS NOT DONE…. TO Wait, and hold  on to HOPE.

He sends us all the Heaven loves notes with Gianna’s fingerprints all over them as a reminder of the JOY Coming.

 

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Mama loves you too baby girl…..  We all miss you so terribly bad and will forever carry you forward till the day we embrace again on the shores of eternity.

 

We will always carry you…. always.

Sending all the kisses and tears up to heaven baby girl.

WE LOVE YOU forever!

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